I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize