No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
