I think I died a long time ago.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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