I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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