i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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