glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
