I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
