im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize