You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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