Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
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