How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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