They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
