This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
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