i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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