OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize