At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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