so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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