The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
