did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
