You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
