Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
