absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize