Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
