dude i'm inner monologue high
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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