just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
