So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize