How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I will pee on everything he values.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
