Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
