God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
