This girl is more easily done than said...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
