also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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