This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
