Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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