I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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