I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
