why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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