absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
