i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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