Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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