He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
