Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
