You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
