my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
