I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
