Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
