I didn't shave. On purpose
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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