im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
