I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
