so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When did angry sex become our thing?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
