Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
