all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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