my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
