girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
