omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
