i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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