My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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