You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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