so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
