I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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