I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
