DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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