i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
God I need to hump something, right now.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
