I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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