I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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