i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
