How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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