I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
